I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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