i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
