you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
