I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
