What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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