she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
