Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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