Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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