I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
