Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
