I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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