She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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