Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
