So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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