she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
