Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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