how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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