don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
