At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
