We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
