I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
