Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
