And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
