You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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