I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
