she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
