it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
