I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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