actually, I'm a sock model
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
