i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Less talking, more tequila
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
