the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
