then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
