guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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