Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
