You can't special order awesome
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
