from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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