well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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