Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
