Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
