I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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