I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
