Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
