if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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