I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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