Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
