You made me cry and you don't even care
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
