my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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