why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
