You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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