i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
