The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
