When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
