talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
