who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
