Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
