just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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