Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
