Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
