I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
