Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
