At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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