just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am one with the molecules
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize