I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
