So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
