Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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