Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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